Ukraine already has died! Diary of SBU officer

In the spring the gardens blossomed white color, the Imperial garden put on in greens, the sun broke all windows, lit fires in them. And Dniepr! And declines! And the Vydubetsky monastery on slopes! The green sea ran by ledges to multi-colored tender Dniepr. Black-blue dense nights over water, the electric cross of St. Vladimir hanging in height … In a word, there is fine city, happy city. Mother of the cities …
So Mikhail Bulgakov wrote in 1923. And here how the distant relative of the great writer continued the feuilleton «Kiev city» …
Fuck instead of city. Legendary times were broken, both suddenly, and terribly the history came. I absolutely precisely can specify the moment of its emergence: it was in the afternoon on February 22, 2014 when to Kiev the telegram came from the American Embassy, signed by two mysterious words:
- President Yanukovych …
Any person in Kiev, I guarantee it, didn’t know what these mysterious 17 letters had to mean, but I know: the history gave to Kiev a signal by them to the beginning. Also some months began and proceeds, and how many will proceed still, even God doesn’t know.
And in Kiev all is normal and silent yet. Yesterday I was on duty. At 6 a. m. expelled the inhabitants of Kiev on walk to skip. From the Hem it was reported that one grandma on a carriage refused to jump under a chant «Who doesn’t skip, that is the Russian!». The whole day chased her. Took her and she was taken to me… I interrogated her all night long.
It appeared, the grandma is really the pro-Russian activist, pretended she is paralyzed and language was taken away. I sent the grandma on her carriage to a post at Borispol because all staff there, a half of the «Right Sector», the second half — from National guard did some shooting each other.
Then within the fourth wave of mobilization we caught around the city the persons liable for call-up. We caught two: one was the mayor of Kiev Klitschko, the second — the 82-year-old grandfather. Klitschko was released. The grandfather sent to the special battalion «Cemetery-4». The grandfather is well prepared, was at war in OUN-UPA.
Yesterday we took Saur-Mogila. Glory to Ukraine.
I scratch. There is no hot water nor at home, nor at work. It is good to the management, they wash in Embassy of the USA.
This morning there was the signal from conscious patriots: near great Bandera’s Museum (museum of the Russian art) the citizens caught the Russian. The group of capture in 32 persons left there. Took him. It appeared, he was really the mercenary …
The red cat caught the mice whom the whole house planned to fry for dinner. All night long we interrogated him, there was nothing, didn’t tell the reptile. Gave on Maidan court. The Maidan decided: «The Russian to the knife!». Moved a cat to an oak. It appeared, he was the real professional … He ran away. We spat, went to management.
Again I scratch. There is no hot water nor at home, nor at work. It is good to the management, they wash in Embassy of the USA.
Yesterday, hurrah, we took Saur-Mogila. Glory to Ukraine.
During the lunchtime we celebrated the input of a new 46th package of sanctions against Russia. The head of department colonel Nechuybaba told that the full end will come soon to Russia. They speak, Putin cries.
At 15.00 the signal came: the Russian UAV was seen around Presidential Administration.
Went to catch it. Caught, there was not an UAV, but a pigeon. The chief press secretary of VSU Andrey Lysenko told that all Russian UAVs are disguised under pigeons. Therefore in Kiev pigeons didn’t remain. At the same time beat out all sparrows. And if the Russians made new modification of the UAV?
The whole department ate a pigeon. And on the 5th channel showed how we disassemble it. However, for a shot it was necessary to disassemble the American UAV. But all the same anybody sorted nothing. They speak, Putin precisely cries.
Again I scratch. There is no hot water nor at home, nor at work. It is good to the management, they wash in Embassy of the USA.
Hurrah, we took Saur-Mogila at last! And what is that Saur-Mogila? Glory to Ukraine.
From 16.00 all department caught the Russian «Grad». The information arrived from the head of SBU Nalivaychenko that they were seen round Zhulyan. We found them. It appeared that it is «Grad» of National guards. Their staff at poll showed that, firstly, doesn’t remember who are they, secondly, it is not «Grad», but combines. Started understanding, it appeared, after all it were «Grad» …
Understood it after struck on Bankovsky and got to Presidential Administration. The colonel Nechuybaba called right there to Andrey Lysenko and told him that he declared on television that it is really Russian «Grad». Lysenko told that.
The commander-in-chief Petro Poroshenko right departed somewhere. Turchynov drinks the third day. Nalivaychenko always sits in the American Embassy. It is goodm for h, he washes.
Saur-Mogila is taken. Thank God. And glory to Ukraine.
Again I scratch. There is no hot water nor at home, nor at work. It is good to the management, they wash in Embassy of the USA.
The signal arrived: the unknown persons beat the deputy governor of the Dnepropetrovsk area Boris Filatov. They repeatedly circumcised the governor of the Dnepropetrovsk area Kolomoysky. Oleg Lyashko wrote in the twitter that sexual maniacs hunt for him.
The leader of «Information resistance» Tymchuk told that in Dniepr saw the foreign submarine. Probably, the Russian one. Suppressed it all night long by grenades and thunder flashes. It emerged up a bottom. It appeared that it was not the Russian, but American. And not the boat, but cruiser «Vella Galf». It was necessary urgently to draw the stars on it for a shot.
It turned out. The West declared introduction of the 47th package of sanctions. We went to celebrate. Glory to Ukraine.
The colonel Nechuybaba got drunk and declared that if the Russian invaders reach Kiev, he will go to escape to Russia. And Poroshenko, Turchynov, Tyahnybok, Sobolev and Lyashko are the enemy for the East, the Center, the West and the South of Ukraine. Then he drank two more glasses, began to cry and told that all of us are the agents of the Russian GRU.
Saur-Mogila is taken. It seems that there are a lot of them across Ukraine. If the hill, so Saur-Mogila. Damned Russians. Glory to Ukraine.
All of us are scratched. The colonel Nechuybaba declared that it is time to go to the American Embassy in bath.
We woke up at work in the morning. Strongly the head hurts. Again I scratch. There is no hot water nor at home, nor at work. It is good to the management, they wash in Embassy of the USA.
On the Maidan they beat again. So there is a fight there, they find out who are the agents of FSB from them. The participants of Maidan say that militiamen, militiamen say that the participants of Maidan.
I sent special forces «Alpha» there. In half an hour his commander called, told that on the Maidan already three groups of agents of FSB clear up the relations — militiamen, participants of Maidan and they. They fight for the one whom to recognize. There was a minister of the Ministry of Internal Affairs Arsen Avakov. It appeared that exactly he is the real agent of FSB. He was carried away on hands.
The river transport worker of anti-terrorist operation Dmitrashkovsky told that Saur-Mogila is taken. Dash it. And it too. Glory to Ukraine.
We woke up at work in the morning. Strongly the head hurts. Again I scratch. There is no hot water nor at home, nor at work. It is good to the management, they wash in Embassy of the USA. On the Maidan there was a NATO Secretary General Anders Fogh Ragmussen with a door. He opened with the words «Doors Are Open for Ukraine …» and closed right there. He bored all Maidan with the clap. Then he completely disappeared. We look for him.
We found. He was kidnapped by the special battalion «Azov» for the purpose of repayment. Lyashko forced to cohabitation. It was the international scandal. Rasmussen doesn’t want to come back. We settled. They contracted a legal marriage.
Saur-Mogila is taken. We scratch. Glory to Ukraine.
That’s all. The colonel Nechuybaba organized a humanitarian corridor on the Russian border for department. We went to wash.