Father, I want the Ukrainian sausage!

The letter of Leopold cat living earlier to the address: Ukraine, Kiev region, Mezhgorye village, to the former owner, mister Victor Yanukovych, the president of Ukraine.

Hello, mister father, my former owner! I write to you from the Ukrainian-Russian border.

I ran away from you, father, because there are no more than forces to suffer that mockeries which you made for me.

And how was good earlier... I will leave from dacha, have a look on cherry garden with your small house and at once back, to kitchen, where both geese fried, and chops, and cutlets... And the fat... Though they say that the cats don't eat fat, but I resemble you, father!

Oh, how we sat with you... Do you remember, the father??? You drank vodka with fat and I, the sinful cat, ate the fat with a valerian! And how you poured it on fat to me and tender me...

Directly the tears well up and the soul is torn outside as I will remember. After all everything was so good, I lay near your right slipper in the evenings, purred and thought how life is successful...

And everything began with that moment as you, father, listened to tyrants. And here started feeding to me in your kitchen any muck in which there is only the smell. And it is called not our way, not in Russian, not Ukrainian – “Kitikat” or “Whiskas”...

The father, I am the Ukrainian cat... I am not any invader from Russia. So to scoff at me?

Also they said to me that I am object of experiment on transition to the European standards...
You, dear father, would try this “experiment” from which in the April all my wool fell out and in a radius of 100 kilometres all cats started jumping aside from me as Donetsk from “Svoboda”...

And when I started with melancholy shouting resistance of such lawlessness, your servants began to kick me with feet and to water. Do you remember how many times I sat under your window at night in tears and complained you of this show off and you drove security guards that those got rid of me far away...

You betrayed me, father, as Bandera of Shukhevich once. More shortly, you betrayed me, own cat, as Mazepa of Peter the Great.

And most of all I was humiliated that you called me any Farion! Father, who is it??? Who is he??? Probably, any freak because after these words you still kicked me with a foot...

And then you still called me any Tyahnybok... It is even worse than this Farion???

Oh, the father, and it became so bitter that can’t express in words, I spat and wandered aimlessly. Also I saw how the persons across the native Ukraine don't live, but exist...

What to tell you, the father? Only this European Union doesn't suffice to them... that they have nothing.

I will talk further on Russian language because there are Ukrainian no words that to tell everything about it...

I found myself a cat in three kilometres from our Mezhgorye. She is beautiful, not to describe in words... Long legs...

Earlier she lived on a country house of your next mate, Rinat Akhmetov. Then she left to other your mate Firtash. In a word, the girl saw the life and experienced up to the depth that is told. I came to her not simply, but to ask in marriage. I shouted for three nights.

Certainly, her mates came to me, the old boys of Akhmetov and Firtash. Well I dealt with them not childly, that is in a Donetsk way. I tore the faces, tore off the tails, more shortly, made everything as you learned. And here my Dashka, well, you understood that this is my cat, told me such things...

In a word, both Firtash and Akhmetov, already all long ago settled everything for you. Hmm, more shortly, it doesn’t matter what your gang, the father, administration, do... The main thing for them, the father, will throw Abramovich, Vekselberg and other same Russians and to keep and increase the money. And they are ready not only the president Yanukovych, but also to sell the soul to a devil, forgive me, My God...

Nearly I didn't forget when I showed to Firtash, Akhmetov and Poroshenko's old boys showed the iron with the socket, at once broke up and told about Tymoshenko, Yatsenyuk and Klitschko! ! !

Yulia is imprisoned it seems, but drinks wine which costs three thousand dollars for 50 grams. And every day drinks three litres. I want in terms of meat or fish...

Yatsenyuk, in general never saw real cats in nature and Klitschko has muscles... About the rest they don't know.

More shortly, the father, I decided to run away from your Ukraine. Also I went to Russia where, they speak, feed the cats with meat. I took Dashka, Mashka and the boys of Firtash and Akhmetov with myself.

You are the fool, father... they all handed over you.

And crossing the border they asked my surname. I told I am Yanukovych. No, they answer, it is not the Ukrainian surname. Here Azarov is the Ukrainian...

More shortly, the father, local cats speak on border that the cats of Kravchuk, Shushkevich, Kuchma stand in turn on receiving of the Russian meat, that is gas.
And Lukashenko's cat on border of the Customs Union kicks all with claws of hinder legs. Also speaks, that it is necessary to be on friendly terms or sale that is called honestly, and such Ukraine as you have, it not necessary to somebody!

Well, the father, it is necessary to say goodbye. And about you, the father, as the cat of Kravchuk told me, you were on sale to this European Union, as that maid that wanted to remain the maid and to marry.

That’s all, the father, here the frontier guards approached, I went to pass... And still, the father, I’m sorry for our Ukraine that the fools got it... You are the complete fool, the father that changed our sausage for that desires that EU is called...

For reference use: after the entry of the Czech Republic into EU every third left its agriculture, in total more than 40 thousand people. So the well-known Ukrainian sausage won't be exactly. And there is no fat already.